Wow. THANK YOU THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for the emails and heartfelt comments so many of you left. You honestly have NO idea what that means to me and I will be printing out and re-reading your kind words every minute of the day when things get hard--because despite the ginormous blessings that have been poured down upon me lately I'll be honest that this is excruciatingly, almost unbearably hard.
I think there were about 101 times yesterday where I almost deleted that post because I was so embarrassed--ironically not even so much because of what I shared but because I felt so selfish and ashamed for asking for your support. But as my wonderful, wise husband reminded me, there is NOTHING selfish about asking for help when you need it. Honestly, don't we ALL feel better when we help one another...even when we're struggling ourselves? One of the biggest reasons I want to change is because I want to be able to help others and not feel like a total hypocrite. I want to be as good a friend to all of you as you are to me!
Here are a few of the other reasons I WILL recover:
I don't think my heart has ever felt so full of love and gratitude for my amazing husband and precious children. As I was lying in bed nursing Hannah at 5 AM this morning I couldn't stop crying as I thought about her precious little spirit and how horribly my heart would ache if she were to treat herself the way I've treated myself for so many years. Today during my hard moments I've reminded myself of that quiet moment (well, minus the part where she projectile vomited in my face...that seems to be her new favorite thing to do first thing in the morning) and it has helped ease the burden of what I'm doing.
I wish this didn't have to be so hard and it's difficult not to get down on myself since it's my own poor choices and mistakes that have gotten me to this point. But there's no use looking back in regret; I can't change the past but the future is in my hands. And I'm going to be okay.
9 comments:
Well cutest pictures ever. So glad you had such a wonderful response, as you certainly deserve.
On a lighter note, where did you find those sassy glasses? I am in desperado need of some new ones and those, I am diggin'!
That pic of you and H is hello! beautiful!
Oh Court, that picture of Johnny listening to the ipod is to die for! It just made me laugh out loud! We miss you guys, will you just move down and be our neighbors already? Keep up the good work, you will make it!!!!
Katie (Miller that is) and anyone else interested--there is this awesome website called Coastal Contacts that does this promotion where you can get FREE glasses, you just have to pay shipping. So I just got those glasses for $12. Lately they've been doing it every couple weeks (they announce it on facebook) but I'm not sure if they'll keep doing it or not. I'll let you know if I see it come up again because it's a pretty awesome deal!
es you will be okay. It's never to late to make a change. And it's not bad to get back up and try it again. you can do it. :)
P.S- the projectile vomit sentence made me laugh out loud. (envisioning a quiet peaceful moment with newborn and then surprise!) It's funny because it didn't happen to ME. he he he
This is your anonymous friend - Mom!
Dad just showed me how to leave a comment. I have tried before, but it never worked because I haven't signed in with a name!! So I will be your anonymous admirer!!
Court - we always love you!
And we are so grateful for all the love and support from friends who have written encouragement and support. Courtney - you cheer us on, too! These pictures warm my heart and make me a little home- sick, too! Our family is behind you 100%. We love you always and forever! Mom
Courtney - It's early morning and Chase (with my help) has just finished a project for school so I am finally able to go through and read your wonderful blog. Thanks for including me on your list. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings. We all learn from and need to rely on one another. I think it was Sister Hinckely who said that woman need other woman and I know that to be true. I am here to help in way I can. Please call anytime and I will call you too. Love, Margaret PS - Very very cute family.
i just wanted to say...
i'm proud of you - i know how unbearble this can feel and seem, but i'm so glad you have friends and family and most importantly CHILDREN to get you through this. please keep fighting, you are an inspiration to me!
I am so proud of you! John is right, always aks for help when you need it!
Those pictures are adorable and I'm so happy you have such a cute little family to support you through this.
Also, with the projectile vomiting, Tanner did that for a little while too. If you're not doing this already (you know more about taking care of babies than I do), try propping her upright, like laying inclined or sitting up, an put a binky in her mouth to keep her sucking after she feeds for a while. I have found it helps keep everything down and cut down on vomiting and spitup. :)
Love you cuz!!
xoxo
ali
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