Dry spell...

After all the exciting things I've had to post about the last couple of weeks it's been hard to come up with anything else to write about. And I'll be honest, even though I'm so thrilled and excited to be pregnant, it's also really hard. Not so much physically, since I'm through the yucky 1st trimester nauseous phase and I'm not yet to the uncomfortably large phase, but emotionally I feel like I'm on a never-ending roller coaster.

I know worrying doesn't solve anything, but it's sure hard not to when there are so many unknowns- how will I survive and function on so little sleep? Anyone who knows me well knows I turn into a crazy lunatic when I don't get enough sleep.

How am I going to handle watching the numbers on the scale continue to creep up and up and up? I'm already having a hard enough time with the fact that most of my clothes no longer fit. I know I shouldn't worry about this and there's no doubt in my mind that this baby is worth every pound of weight gain, but I feel so torn and I'm scared about how I'll handle things after I deliver.

How am I going to teach my kids to eat normal and love their bodies when I still have such a hard time myself? Everyone says the most powerful way to teach is by example and that scares me to death because I'm still so far from being the epitome of health.

How will I ever balance getting my own needs met with meeting the constant needs of a new baby? I know we often fulfill our own needs through serving and helping others and I know that nothing is more important than the work that goes on within the walls of the home, yet I'm still scared that some of my hopes, dreams, and ambitions will get lost along the way. I know there are so many different paths motherhood can take, so many variations of what's "right", but how will I determine what combination of self-sacrifice and self-fulfillment is best for me?

The list of questions goes on and on, but I'll stop now because in reality they can all be answered the same way. I know life is about moving forward in the midst of doubt, having faith even when we feel nothing but fear, and trusting that our best efforts will be enough. I know things will work out, that I just need to be patient, and that I need to take things one step at a time. I mean what's the point in stressing over how in the world I'll handle a defiant teenager when this little kiddo won't even be popping out for another 180 days (and not doing much besides eating, sleeping, and making lots of messy diapers for me to change)? Yet sometimes all the knowledge and insight doesn't change the fact that it's just plain hard.