Did he really just ask me that? The social faux pas that fills a non-pregnant woman with indignation and humiliation? Yep, he really did.
And as I sat there at the gas station cash register, trying to choke back the tears, the ignorant man quickly tried to dig himself out of a deep hole by saying something along the lines of, "well, it's just that I don't usually...uh...see girls as skinny as you with...um...pooches".
What the? Seriously? As if his opening statement wasn't bad enough he has to add this?
I grabbed my change with lightening speed and made a bee-line for the door. Then the tears really came as I realized that one of my worst fears was not just in my head-- that the weight I've put on lately makes me not only "feel" pregnant, it makes me "look" it too.
Yesterday I was angry and bitter and resentful. I regretted the fact that I've been trying to let go of my eating disorder not because I HAVE to (like when I was pregnant) but because I WANT to.
But you know what? Today I realized that I AM expecting. I may not be expecting a baby (yet, but I can't wait until the next one) and I definitely don't expect to like feeling bloated and disproportionate. But maybe, just maybe, I can view this tummy as a gift of life that I'm giving to myself. As a symbolic "re-birth". And when people ask me if I'm expecting I'll just say, "Yep! I'm expecting some pretty great things!".
5 comments:
Oh Courtney, I'm crying. How could anyone say that? I'm not only crying about that but about how strong you are. You have such an amazing attitude about life and you know how to deal with struggles and setbacks so well. I truly admire you. Don't let anyone discourage you from all the progress you're making.
Thank you so much for the comment you left on my blog about being in the "waiting place". It made my day. You have a great talent in expressing yourself through words. I think you should write a book some day about the things you write on this blog. You certainly inspire me and I'm sure so many others feel the same.
Hope you're having a better day!
Court, what's his name and where does he work? I'm going to go sock him one. Haha, the ignorance of people sometimes! You are expecting great things, and you are amazing, and I can't wait to see your journey. I love you Court, and I'll really sock him if you want me to.
WHAAAAAA???? I can't believe that!!! I am telling the honest truth: I think you are beautiful. No, I don't think you look pregnant- AT ALL. Some people...
I think every young lady gets asked that question at one time or another. I know I have! (And I've never been pregnant.)
After arguing with the guy i.e.
"Yes you are [pregnant]"
"No I'm not"
"yes you are."
"No I'm not."
"Yes, you are. I can see it."
"No, I'm really not."
"Well, I guess you're just fat then."
Ouch...
This was a couple years ago when I was still focusing on recovery and it hurt soooo bad. But I just had to pick myself up and say "I am doing this for myself."
Some people are just jerks. (hug)
And you are expecting some great things!!! Kudos to you for refocusing and keep going! You can do this. (hug)
love your attitude, even though the gas station dude was a douche monster. and if it makes you feel any better, i've got a little tummy too - damn re-feeding!
I think every post-pregnany mother has heard it (believe me, I've had my fair share) along with others who have never been pregnant. I've been in tears from it as well, but when I am able to pull myself together, I realize that we all in some ways (even the man at the gas station) have unrealistic views of what a woman should look like. Because, beautiful mothers who have given so much to bring babies into the world, are supposed to look like that!
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