Dry Spell

I've been in a funk. Not necessarily an all bad one, because in some ways I'm doing some pretty great things, but for some reason lately I have had no desire to blog, read blogs, comment on blogs, etc. Not that I don't love all of you friends and family members...I'm genuinely interested in the things you've been up to and I really love lending support when I can, but lately I've been feeling like blogging is just one more thing I use to feel like I'm not good enough. I feel guilty that I'm not a very good blogger, that I only post sporadically, that I don't have anything interesting to write about, that I'm too negative on my personal blog, that I'm not doing 101 fun things with my kid each day that I beautifully document, that I get so stuck going circles in my life and tend to write about the same things over and over, that I'm not very computer and graphic savvy and I have no cool layout or blog header...basically this list could go on and on but the main point is that I've been falling into the comparison trap.

Lately my solution to comparing has been to avoid, but I find that doesn't really help matters either. I think the real key is reminding myself that other people's successes and strengths don't detract from my worth as an individual. In fact, when I give someone a genuine compliment or congratulate them for something they've achieved it actually makes me feel better about myself. I no longer feel jealousy and envy telling me I'm not good enough because I'm not doing X, but I start to feel gratitude that I have such amazing people around me that are examples of what I want to be like. And lately I've been working really hard on just being okay with where I'm at now. I may not be the mom I wish I were, I may not be using my time as well as I could, some days I feel like I'm still so far from being recoverED, and other days I wish I hadn't come so dang far in my recovery. But you know what? I'm okay. As silly and cliche as it sounds, I'm learning to like me just because I'm me. And in many ways I think it's good practice for me to not be a great blogger because it's proving to myself that I can do something without doing it perfectly. So next time I start to feel guilty because I've gone weeks without a post I'll remind myself that I'm not a failure but rather a success--because I'm learning to not live by all those expectations I've put on myself, but instead by what I want.