I decided to start this blog up again with the intent of giving myself a place to vent. Yet whenever I sit down to write I feel like I have to be positive. If I'm having a bad day or feeling rather down about my post-pregnancy body I feel like I can't admit it because that would make me ungrateful/pessimistic/weak/unmotivated/lazy/all-around-bad. I'm not really sure how to describe the place I'm at. I'm so much happier and healthier than I used to be, but I still struggle. In some ways this struggle is harder--the urges are as strong as ever, I just don't act on them. I still long to lose weight, but I can't (no, I won't) because being a mom takes too much energy. I still feel like nothing I do is ever good enough. I still compare myself WAY to much to all the amazing, talented people around me and feel like I'll never match up. I still worry that I don't know what to do with my life, like I have no real identity. I still feel guilty for all the time and energy I've waisted and all the opportunities I've missed out on. And I still beat myself up for feeling all these things because a grateful/optimistic/strong/motivated/ambitious/all-around-good person would be looking at the glass as half-full and take things in stride. So since I'm not good at expressing how I feel, here's a few pictures to do the talking...
OK, there's some sarcasm here, but sometimes the de-motivational stuff feels more realistic.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Here's some de-motivation for ya!
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5 comments:
Court, I was just thinking last night how amazing you look! Holy moly, I would love to look like you after having a baby. You look way better then you think.
Court - it's funny, because I've always been so envious of your awesomeness! I know it's hard to love yourself sometimes (i'm totally guilty of not loving myself a lot - especially after having a baby!) but really - you are an amazing daughter of God and so am I! We just have to keep telling ourselves this! Hang in there (I promise you don't look like that little kitty cat hanging onto the rope.) You are beautiful - inside and out and I really am proud to see the strides of progress you have made. I mean, your body made a beautiful HEALTHY baby!! did you ever think it could do that? God promises us great things if we just follow His lead! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and for being brave in tackling life's battles! You're awesome!
I think that as you begin to pass on the strength that you have to your beautiful son, you may appreciate more how much you give to others. We love you even when you don't love yourself so much. I do love you!
I still have some really tough times (and love blogging!) but don't want to convey to others that I'm a downer,weak, crazy, etc. But the truth is that I am everything at different times. I have my down days when the glass is half empty, but I also have those truely amazing days that I love to share. I love reading your blog whether it's a good day or a bad one because it shows that your real. And everyone can relate to that.
P.S- I'm free on wed, sat, and sun and would love to hang out! My number is on my facebook info page. :) call me!
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