The debate is over--this blog is back!

I've been going back and forth...should I keep this blog? should I make it private? should I just get rid of this blog and only use my family blog (which has pretty much turned into the typical "post pictures of my cute baby" blog)? should I quit blogging altogether and do something more useful with my time? Now that I'm feeling more adjusted to motherhood and we're starting to get into a bit of a routine (one that thankfully includes more night-time sleep!) I'm starting to realize how much I still need outlets for ME. Yes, motherhood is wonderful. Yes, my little man is absolutely adorable and there is nothing on this earth that I wouldn't do for him. But motherhood is also hard. Exhausting, emotionally and physically draining. And being the anxious and worry prone person that I am, motherhood has introduced me to a whole new level of things to stress about.

So I've decided that I need this blog. Whether or not anyone even reads it, or whether people think I am crazy for sharing somewhat personal info on a public blog, doesn't matter to me. I spend a lot of time putting on my happy face and trying to be positive (which is a good thing, I think?) but sometimes I need a place where I can be real. Otherwise all my anxiety and worries get bottled up and I turn all that negative energy into hating my body, wanting to lose weight, and just plain feeling depressed. So rather than having daily pitty parties by myself I decided I'm going to write. About what? Who knows. My mood varies so much these days that one minute I'm ready to have another kid (but don't worry, I'm not THAT ready!) and the next minute I'm convinced I'll never survive. But one thing I do know--no matter how hard life gets I want to be here for my little boy (and my big boy, of course!). I've been down the slippery slope enough to know it leads nowhere good and it's time for me to stick to things that bring real, lasting happiness. Sure, it's a lot easier to fall back on old habits, I mean stuffing my face with high-calorie foods because nursing this little guy sucks everything right out of me is not my idea of a good time. But I'm going to do it. Even if it means blogging about how hard it is along the way.