101 reasons why I want to recover from my eating disorder (Part II)

It has been WAY too long since I last posted. I think about this list all the time but for some reason I've had a hard time coming back to it. Maybe it's my perfectionism creeping in, telling me I should have all these large, impressive goals and I shouldn't have doubts about what I want. But the truth is that some of the greatest things in life are simple, even mundane at times. And I don't have to wait until I'm 100% sure that I want something before I start entertaining the idea or even pursuing it. Life is all about looking past our doubts and having faith that we are stronger than we think we are. So even though this list may be simple, imperfect, and likely to change with time, it is proof to me that there is joy everywhere, as long as we look for it.

26. I can't wait to see my tulips bloom, let's hope at least 1/2 of the 200 made it!
27. I love teaching Relief Society
28. I love learning new things- especially from John. Last night he taught me how to earthquake proof your water heater (long story).
30. I love being in nature and seeing the beauties of the world.
31. I love being up in the Uintas, hiking for miles without seeing a soul and finding little lakes you can claim as your own.
32. I love water- cutting through the glass on Jackson lake, wading through the flat-rock stream beds of Escalante river, snorkeling in the clear, turquoise water in the Caribbean, or even the refreshing taste of ice-cold water on a hot summer day.
33. I'm so grateful for fans in the summer and heaters in the winter!
34. I love holding new babies (thanks Laura B for last week!).
35. I love playing with my nieces and nephew.
36. I love pictures of my nieces and nephew (sorry Katie and Andrea, I stole from your blogs!).









37. I love going to San Francisco, I especially loved living 45 min from there.
38. I love my neighborhood and ward, we were so blessed- I should say inspired- to buy our house where we did.
39. I love family parties, get togethers, and traditions.
40. I love my Grandma and Grandpa Cannon. They are my heroes and I want to be just like them when I grow up!
41. I love being a part of the Crofts family, I couldn't have asked for better in-laws!
42. I love eating sushi, especially when I can get John to try it and he even likes it!
43. I love playing the piano, even for the ward choir.
44. I love playing tennis, just for fun, not competitively.
45. I love it when I actually beat John at something, especially since he wins practically every game or competition. I love it when I'm actually right and he has such a hard time admitting it! :)
46. I love cooking fancy meals with Carolyn, especially from her "TOP SECRET" cookbooks!
47. I love Grandma Crofts paper bag game, she is the most generous person I know!
48. I love hearing Grandma Cannon's stories, like the time she got hit by a tire while in the church parking lot.
49. I love seeing my Granny Glo's art- whether it's painting, sculpture, quilting, or pottery she's always doing something amazing!
50. I love going to book club and chatting with my beautiful, talented, and simply wonderful H.S. friends.
51. I love sunshine!!! Especially on spring Sundays, like today.
52. I love living in a climate with 4 seasons. And I love the symbolism, how things die in the fall, how the winter can be so cold and long, yet spring always comes, bringing color, life, and new beginnings. We all experience periods of "winter" in our lives, but if we stay strong good things will start to bloom and even tiny growths will be so beautiful.
53. I am grateful for easter and the resurrection of our Savior.
54. I am grateful for the atonement, words cannot describe how great a gift we have been given!
55. I am grateful for good books and for the authors who sacrificed to write them.
56. I love going to the library, especially now that I can request books, movies, and music online and then they are ready for me on the shelf when I go to pick them up.
57. I am grateful for my understanding of the gospel and other eternal truths. Sometimes I talk to people who seem so confused about life, and even though I don't claim to have everything figured out I am so glad I know where to turn for peace.
58. I am grateful for humor and how it can help us laugh through tough times.
59. I am grateful that I have never given up.
60. I have learned a lot of things over the years and I want to share that with others. I want to make a collection of some of the talks, quotes, skills training, exercises, etc that have helped me, maybe even create a recovery workbook, that could be used to help people navigate the scary and treacherous times that come as you're trying to recover from an eating disorder (or anything for that matter).
61. I want to be as unwaivering and loving to my family as they have been to me. They are truly my best friends.
62. If I can be even 1/2 the mother my own mom has been, I will count that my greatest success.
63. I love doing things with my dad- going on last minute shopping sprees, early morning boating trips, pretty much anything is fun if you're with my dad. He always knows how to cheer me up and make me laugh.
64. I'm grateful to have the coolest siblings in the world.
65. I love that my 16 year old brother Jon is probably more mature than I will ever be.
66. I love hearing the beautiful, fervent testimony of my brother Paul as he is serving a mission in Moscow, Russia.
67. I love every chance I get to hang out with Meg in Provo. She is the best sister ever, and after watching that music video of hers I'm pretty sure she and her roommates should drop out of school and become professional performers.
68. I love watching the way Eric plays with his kids. I've always looked up to my big brother for being such a great skier, for going to med school, for working so hard- but being the great dad he is tops them all.
69. I can't wait to get new windows and paint our house. Hooray for tax refunds!
70. Even though I am prone to worry, obsess, and compare, I am getting better at replacing the negative thoughts with positive ones. And I know that a bad thought here or there does NOT make me a bad person.
71. I want to live by the words of the quote my Grandpa Cannon always quotes:

"For every worry under the sun,
There is a remedy, or there is none,
If there is a remedy, hurry and find it,
If there is none, never mind it."
- LeGrand Richards

Oh how great it is to remind ourselves we can only change so much!
72. I want to be someone that people feel they can talk to and confide in, not a lifeless person that people have to walk on eggshells around.
73. I want to be healthy and strong, not sick and skinny.
74. I want to help John reach for his dreams, maybe even help him start his own company. I will always be his #1 fan.
75. I want to dance in the rain.
76. I want to be able to laugh when my kids spill punch on the carpet or put a dent in the car while learning to drive (I know, good luck, but hopefully eventually we can all laugh).
77. I love listening to the Celtic Women CD from John and Marcia, and I love that John likes it just as much.
78. I am so grateful for the convenience of cell phones. It took losing mine this week to make me realize how much it helps me stay connected with people.
79. I love to be efficient. Especially at work, I always love the challenge of finding a better, and faster, way to do something.
80. I hate to admit it, but even after 8+ years I am still a Cafe Rio addict. I don't think it's possible for me to get sick of that yummy food.
81. I love the smell and feel of clean sheets and towels, fresh out of the dryer. Aaaahhh, heavenly.
82. I am obsessed with my Anne Taylor body spray, Creamy Blackberry Sandalwood. Sometimes I spray so much I'm afraid people will avoid me like the plague, but so far no complaints! :)
83. I am grateful that this list is almost coming to an end because I need to get ready for church and I'm sure you're getting bored to death.
84. I know, this is a vain one, but I have to admit it. I'm grateful for our LCD TV. It's so amazing to watch sports and see the individual beads of sweat, or to watch the beautiful landscapes and filming of movies like Lord of the Rings or Anna and the King.
85. I am so grateful that I don't have to worry about how I will get food for my next meal.
86. I am grateful I can shower daily and have the privilege of living in a clean, sanitary environment.
87. I'm so glad that my husband doesn't mind that I look like a scrounge much of the time- I don't do my hair, I wear a lot of the same clothes, I think I can get ready faster than him.
88. I am grateful for my iPod, it has been such a lifesaver all those sleepless nights and even now I can't sleep without it.
89. I am grateful for strong bones!
90. I am grateful for a copy machine so I don't have to turn my pages while playing the piano today.
91. I love the smell of spring and listening to the birds chirping in the morning.
92. I am grateful for cars that don't breakdown too often.
93. I am grateful for surgeons that can repair nerves and arteries and that miraculously enough my right hand types just as fast as my left.
94. I'm so grateful for a cousin and friend who has been at my side through thick and thin. She is the best example to me, and she makes darling babies too! And I'm grateful that her arm is working pretty well these days as well (I'd post a picture but I can't find one at the moment). She is a walking miracle!
95. I know I already said this one, but I can't wait to have kids.
96. I can't wait to watch John play with our kids, he will fit right in!
97. I grateful I can eat yummy easter candy and not feel bad about it.
98. I am excited to read some of the books on my book list- Goosegirl, Three Cups of Tea, To Kill a Mockingbird (I haven't read it since junior high), Murder on the Orient Express, Gaining, Eat, love pray, The Life of Pi, For Whom the Bell Tolls, I could go on and on. I think I have enough books on my "To Read" list to last a lifetime!
99. I am grateful for spell check and a spelling wizard husband. Otherwise you would be laughing at my creative, ususally inacurrate ways of spelling (and I promise that wasn't intentional).
100. I am grateful for the cute kids in church that I want to kidnap (just for a day).
101. And if you made it this far, I'm grateful for you!!! (But don't worry, I'm grateful for you even if you skipped to the end).