Change is good?

I'll be honest, if I were to compare pregnancy to running a marathon I think I just hit my wall. It's not like the last 8 months have been a walk in the park or anything, I've had plenty of really tough days (emotionally, physically, mentally) throughout the entire pregnancy but for the most part things have been really good. Better than I ever could've imagined in fact. But lately things have been hard. Sure, the physical discomfort and constant aches and pains are part of it, but compared to how I've been feeling emotionally they're nothing. The frustrating part is that I know it's not my fault that I'm feeling this way. I mean I have very little control and power over my raging hormones and I can't change the fact that on top of normal pregnancy anxieties I'm dealing with some really difficult things that are majorly affecting my brain chemistry, hence my mood. I'm doing my very best to challenge all the crazy, irrational thoughts and thank goodness I have John as my lifeline to keep me grounded when I'm about ready to jump off the deep end. But regardless it is so frustrating to be doing my very best and to still feel like I'm failing in every way. It's slightly ridiculous because on a good day I can clearly see that I'm actually accomplishing more in a few days than I used to do in a month, yet for some reason in my anxiety ridden state it feels like it's never enough. Everyone in the world could tell me things are just fine and not to worry, but sometimes that just makes it worse because in my head I already know things are fine, but for some reason I can't translate my knowledge into feelings.

I know change is good, I know it's the difficult times in life that make us appreciate the good times, and I even know I'll make it through this just like I've made it through tough times in the past. But sometimes, when you've hit that wall at mile 21 or 25.8 it hurts so bad you just want to stop and take a break. Thankfully, I'm committed to finishing this race even if it means the wall lasts another 10 miles or 50. And even though it has been hard there are plenty of reminders that life is good, that change is beautiful, and that we're never faced with more than we can endure.

Speaking of change, there's nothing better than a Sunday afternoon drive up the canyon to look at the beautiful fall leaves!