Lessons from a sick baby

**Warning: This post is SUPER cheesy, so read at your own risk!**

Last week my little guy came down with a cold. Nothing major...he just had a stuffy nose, mild fever, wanted to be held all the time, wouldn't take naps, and cried. A lot. But the experience of having a sick child opened my eyes up to what it's really like when someone you love more than life itself is suffering. And there's nothing you can do about it. You want them to feel better so badly and it hurts you to see them hurting. But even though you wish you could take their pain away you can't. You can stay right by their side, helping them along the way, but ultimately they're the ones that have to go through it.

Even though last week was just a minor thing it got me thinking about all the people who have supported me through tough times. For once I got a glimpse of how hard it must have been for them to watch me struggling. Especially because this wasn't some external virus that would go away in 10-14 days. It was ME hurting MYSELF (though I now know enough to believe ED's are a real disease and not something one "chooses") and there was no way of knowing just when it would go away (maybe that was part of the problem, wishing it would all just disappear when in reality it's a slow, arduous process that will likely continue my entire life).

I can't imagine how hard it would be to watch one of my own children, or a spouse, or another close family member, go through the heart-wrenching pain I've experienced as a result of my eating disorder. I know there will be plenty of physical, emotional, and spiritual challenges that I won't be able to protect my kids from, but more than anything I want to do my part to keep them from those things that will try to destroy their souls. Because in some ways I feel like ED nearly destroyed me--it stole the life, energy, happiness, vitality, and goodness right out of me. Sure, the real me was still there--buried beneath all the lies that told me I would never be good enough--but I couldn't see it. All I saw was despair, hopelessness, and fear. I was convinced I'd never be able to succeed at anything.

But for some reason I've been blessed with the most amazing people in my life. People who stayed by me through it all, a husband who never stopped seeing the good in me...and always treated me like the person he knew I could become. I can't imagine how they put up with me at times, but then again I think about my little man and realize I'd be willing to do anything for him. So I guess part of life is learning how to both give and receive. Maybe experiencing both sides of the equation is what helps us appreciate and sympathize with others. All I know is that whether we're lending or receiving the helping hand, it's a good thing we're all in this crazy life together!